Point a: Ole Gunnar Solskjaer wanted the defence to sit on top of David Marshall.
Point b: he also didn't want Craig Bellamy, Kim Whatsisface or Willy Haha to come back and do any defending at all.
What this means: there's a giant square between the defence and the attack where Gary Medel basically has to do everything...
Query: What about Peter Whittingham?
Response: He's about as mobile as cheese and a lot less effective from open play.
Let's chat aboot Brian McDermott. I don't want to argue over whether he did or didn't win the Championship with Reading, because he did and there really isn't much value in debating the topic. However, he also took a team to Sheffield Wednesday with 3 centre backs and wing backs and wingers and a lone striker. He also chose this game to drop his 9 foot 8 tree of a centre-forward Matt Shitt. He spent two months playing a player who's only talent is his height and no complementary wide players, and then he brings in the wide players and takes out the target. Leeds fans still nonetheless seem strangely attached to the man who lead them to a unequivocal humiliation away to Rochdale where one team was made to look like Barcelona and one team was made to look like it was visually impaired. Then again, since their 8 game run without a win, they have turned things around; when he wasn't there they did win 5-1. Then he came back and they struggled to come from behind against the league's bottom club. But umm, he has some qualities. He is both fat, and bald. Fat AND bald. So...there's...that...I mean, why would you want anyone else? Unless you, I don't know, wanted to at least pretend a promotion challenge.
Also I didn't mention it before but after Newcastle dumped Leeds out of the Capital One Cup about 3 million years ago (you must remember it), I derided a piece of 'journalism' I found on the internet which was attempting to pass off observations taken from the game as analysis of the teams involved. They said that Sammy Ameobi had a big part to play for Newcastle, and I said he didn't. So that's 1-0 to me. They said that Vernon Anita was going from strength-to-strength, and I pointed out that the opposition couldn't have been weaker. They said that Papiss Cisse still knew how to find the net, when all the evidence is that he doesn't. That's about 3-0 to me. We can't test the inaccuracy of the other claims, but they were all similarly facile and moronic, but I'd like to focus on Vernon Anita. Well, I'd like to ask a question about him - the question is 'what the fuck does he do?' - if anyone could tell me I'd be overjoyed to find out.
While I'm going I might as well have a laugh at Arsenal. It was nice of them to drag it out till January but seriously, how many times did I have to say before the season started that they wouldn't win anything. Arsene Wenger has already reserved 4th place, just like he's already booked all his Tuesday's and Wednesday's off from the middle of March onwards. They will come fourth, Bayern will eliminate them in the Champions League, and if Liverpool don't pound them out of the F.A. Cup someone else will soon enough. I think Wenger should be issued an ultimatum, either come up with a plan b or fuck off and stop wasting everyone's time. And Nicklas Bendtner should be issued an ultimatum, either take that job at Sainsbury's or go back to Denmark.
While we're on the topic of somethingorother let's talk about Timothy Shitwood, the new head coach of Tottingham Hotspurs. Let's specifically talk about his sophisticated matchplan for the Man City game. First, don't play a holding midfielder, play a child instead. Then, get absolutely fucking annihilated. Then, look surprised. And while we're on the subject of looking surprised, you should've seen my face when Manuel Pellegrini said the best team didn't win the City-Chelsea game last Monday, presumably the nutty bastard thought there was a third, invisible team that deserved to take home the points. And while we're on the subject of invisibility - seriously Ole Gunnar, it's called a midfield - try playing with one.
Ooo ooo ooo Fulham - they're pretty rubbish. Not much more to say. They suck. Tactically, technically, etc, etc. Manager is a grinning idiot, players are all 300 years old. While we're on the subject of sucking - seriously Ole Gunnar, your team really really did. As Homer Simpson once said 'they were suckiest bunch of suckers who ever sucked.' (he really did, in the episode with the bowling league).
Umm also want to umm talk about err Harold Redknapp. He's a wheeler and dealer he is. He's only spent 900million alone acquiring Peter Crouch for every club he's ever managed. When he joined Spurs he spent 15 million on Defoe (which made a profit for his former team because when Harry bought him for them it only cost 8 million), 12 million on WILSON PALACIOS, and 12 million on Robbie Keane. The following summer another 9 million went out on Peter Crouch and another 8 was wisely spent on current Norwich captain Sebastian Bassong, not to mention the 300 times he's bought Niko Kranjcar and the way he bankrupted Portsmouth to win an F.A. Cup. He's obviously scaled things down now he's in the Championship, there will be no more giving Chris Samba 100k a week, he only spent 4 million on Charlie Austin. He's also only bought in Benayoun, Assou-Ekotto, Richard (well and truly)Dunne, and Niko shitting Kranjcar for their 9000th reunion. They all come notoriously cheap. He's a wheeler and dealer that Harry, whose greatest achievement in management was getting people to believe that.
One might look upon those signings as investments, so let's summarize the bigger and better things they've gone on to. Peter Crouch now lights up the Brittania Stadium, Jermaine Defoe has just agreed to go to the worst club in the MLS, Wilson Palacios might as well have retired, Robbie Keane is still going strong in the MLS with L.A. Galaxy (always a good sign when your team is named after a chocolate bar), Seb Bassong is a rock at the back for Norwich Shitty, and Niko Kranjcar is playing in the Championship...for Harry Redknapp...again.
Who else is there to talk about? Can't talk about Liverpool, because I only have nice things to say. Same with Chelsea, although I could mock Torres some more but that's only kicking a dead badger. I could talk about...Southampton, they're kinda funny...a bit...maybe. I'm not Shaw what the future holds for them. I could talk about Yohan Cabaye. What's great about Yohan Cabaye is not that his name sounds like Yohan Kebab (because it doesn't), but it's that he's left Newcastle. That is great. Well done Yohan. Good for you.
I could talk about Sunderland, and how Gus Poyet is doing okay there. Really pretty okay. They'll have some hopes now that they might not actually go down maybe possibly. And Hull, they're alrightish. Not such Long odds that they'll still be in the Premierleagueship next season. Then there's someone else, let's call them Blackburn Rovers, who've recently decided that Luke Varney is a sound investment, just like Betamax or my invention the Shitometer, which measures shit for no obvious benefit or purpose.
