Who Deserves the Boot...
Davey Moyes. Obviously. The Mirror claims United are setting up a secret deal with Van Gaal to take over after he's done with Holland at the World Cup, though why they're bothering letting him stay in charge when he knows he's done as soon as it's over I'm not entirely sure (and I could honestly be talking about either of them).
Brian McDermott. 3 wins in 23 games, 8 defeats in 9, 8 points clear of the relegation zone. No actually, I wouldn't call that play-off form. Also, regarding the 3 wins, 2 against the bottom 2 and the most resounding one when he'd been sacked. Nice work Brian. 4 months of categorical proof the team is better off without you.
Harry Redknapp. If you can't win the Championship with Ravel Morrison, Yossi Benayoun, Charlie Austin and the other 3,800 players he's signed then you really really don't deserve to be in work. When you're being humbled by 10-man Bournemouth and you think Modibo Maiga is a good signing, well...
Who's on the Verge...
Alan Pardew. The fans are slightly on his back. Only 86% of Geordies are against him, I mean that's bearly an overwhelming majority. That's an actual figure as well, 86% of fans think he should get the sack. Bless him he thinks it's just because the team keeps losing, not because he's mental...
Ole Gunnar Solksjaer. And that's in spite of his impressive wins over Fulham AND Norwich. Honestly getting on his back just because the performances are rubbish and the tactics make no sense and because he signed Kenwyne Jones and a bunch of random Norwegians and because they're going to get relegated. It's absolutely ridiculous.
Tim Shitwood. Well, by some accounts he's as good as gone, and that's in spite of actually winning a game, and in spite of having the full, unequivocal backing of Emmanuel Adebayor. Some have criticised his plan of playing Gylfi Sigurdsson and Nabil Bentaleb in the centre of midfield away against a free-scoring Liverpool side while leaving Sandro and Dembele on the bench, and, well, frankly, they were right to criticise it because it is the equivalent of attempting to win a Formula 1 event with a fire extinguisher and an office chair.
Who's just plain under-pressure...
Pepe Mel. The basically lovely and cuddleable Pepe Mel. At least his team is struggling with a plan, Ole's plan to save Cardiff from sinking appears to be to just sit back and hope it basically resolves itself.
Arsene Wenger. I know, it's mental. I mean, you don't win any silverware in 9 years, and suddenly you're a failure. You don't even give the merest hint of a title challenge in a decade, and suddenly you're 'under pressure'. You do everything you can - you sign incredible world-class talent like Olivier Giroud and Mikel Arteta, and STILL people give out to you. I mean, if you can't concede 6 away at City and Chelsea and then 5 away at Liverpool and then get spanked away at Goodison, then what is the world coming to? It's not as if Arsene doesn't have a plan, he plans to have the team continue doing the same thing regardless of the circumstances. That's a plan. I mean technically that is what it is, it's just a very very shit one.
Gus Poyet. Sunderland are starting to look just a tinsy bit pathetic, the way they manage to get resoundingly beaten while putting up absolutely not even the merest hint of a fight. But it's alright, because they're only bottom, so it can't get any worse. On the one hand Gus steered them to the Capital One LDV Vans Carling Coca-Cola Shield final, on the other he did sign Santiago Vergini, and he actually seems to think that was a good idea.
Who's trundling along nicely...
Mark Hughes. Has steered Stoke to a very tidy position in the league. They're still Stoke, and that's still not really a brilliant thing to be, but at least they're safe, and that is literally the best they could possibly have hoped for.
Tony Pulis. Seems to have made the improbable probable by steering Crystal Palace to something that looks like safety, while his predecessor has lurched from one meek slide toward relegation to another as he bravely oversees the ever-hilarious demise of the most abominable entity in the known universe; Milwall.
Robbie Martinez. Might actually steer Everton to a Champions League place the way he's going about things. Basically at the end of last season Everton fans loved David Moyes, and now many of them won't even be able to remember what that was like.
Who's doing ridiculously well...
Diego Simeone. For starters he's made a 3 horse race from only 2 and a half horses, and now he's dumped one of the other horses out of the Champions League. Brendo Rogers. Getting the best out of basically everyone and brilliantly converting Steven Gerrard from a free-roaming midfield player into a less cultured Scouse Bastian Schweinsteiger, they might even take it right down to the wire before not actually winning the title.
And who is still alive...
Roy Hodgson. Still going at the ripe old age of 97, still managing to chew without assistance and still managing to just about tell the difference between Adam Lallana and Jay Rodriguez when drawing his squads into his Times crossword, though he does have to be continually reminded that he can't actually select Tom Finney, Stanley Matthews, or Charles II.
And finally...
