Right then, no sense wasting time, let's crack on...
Only a few nominees knocking around here. Yeovil Town top the list given their tiny ground, tiny status, tiny budget and tiny hopes it wasn't anything of a surprise when they plumetted back down to League One. Paul Dickov always felt like a one-man recipe for disaster, and Barnsley were always earmarked for the drop. But I have thus far ignored the Football Conference, and so now I want to pay a little tiny bit of homage to it, as we reward Hyde's minus 119 goal difference.
First of all, Portsmouth. I mean usually you'd just stick a fiver on them to go down whatever division they actually happen to be in. Sunderland can't be ignored given their 'miracle'. Birmingham is a name that has to be thrown into the ring, just because it's surprising for any team to survive being that awful. Milwall are in a similar boat, having sucked for so long only to do a Sunderland and haul themselves out of the muck. Blackpool survived at least half a season without winning, as did Leeds United. Notts County maintained their status as a League One club in spite of an appalling beginning and middle to the season. Gillingham survived hiring Peter Taylor, Northampton survived in spite of the majority of their campaign, and Wycombe survived equally against the odds. It's very hard to ignore the pre-season relegation favourites in the Premier League - Hull and Palace have done exceptionally, one more so than the other. Coventry got docked some points and Oldham's 15th place is genuinely credible. Once again there's a tough decision and a very poor decision-maker, so let's give it to Sunderland, because after all it was a 'miracle', and we do of course live in hope that claiming an award will prompt Gus to do THAT celebration.
Only one place to start - Molineux. After back-to-back relegations it was unthinkable that Wolves' talented squad would do anything except romp through League One, and romp they did, to the tune of 103 points. It was equally unthinkable that with their ridiculously unsustainable expenditure QPR would still be playing in the Championship in 2014-15, it's relatively more surprising that Leicester have made it even though they too splashed out to get there, Brentford as beaten play-off finalists were naturally one of the favourites and they have indeed risen out of League One, Scunthorpe's acquisitions and Chesterfield's clout understandably gave them high expectations, but this award can only ever go to one place. Congratulations Kenny Jackett on what was barely even a relatively minor triumph. I got my toaster to work again after three weeks on the fritz and that's basically a greater achievement.
We actually start with a lot people's pre-season favourites, Chelsea and their lack of silverware. People will, of course, talk about United, and that's fair enough because their season was apocalyptically bad, but at the same time hilarious. Reading coming 7th is surely underachievement, from beaten play-off finalists to 13th is a pretty weak showing from Watford, and there's a decent case to be made for giving this award to AC Milan, but actually it goes to the Bundesliga, where Hamburg amassed an impressively poor 27 points en-route to avoiding relegation on away goals, which can't be something that happens all too often.
We'll start at the top and work our way down. Wigan were somewhat poor after going ahead in the second leg against QPR. But their failings don't quite match up to Brighton. Let's be honest they were nowhere near good enough to go up anyway, but they could've at least pretended. From the moment Matt Upson clumsily took out Craig Forsyth, Brighton didn't have a convincing moment in the tie. Moving into League One we get another shoddy display, but this time from the favourites, who were deservedly put out by Russell Slade's Leyton Orient. A team that spent a million pounds on a striker and say they wouldn't accept five million to sell him, versus a club that wouldn't sell for a million pounds unless the deal came with a cheque for £999,999 thrown in. Seemingly Preston couldn't top that, they had some difficult circumstances, but the last half hour of their tie with Rotherham was such a pathetic effort they more than earn their nomination. York City's failure to come up with even a Plan A let alone a Plan B may have somewhat let them down. So actually the only losing team that didn't let itself down was Southend United. But this isn't the award for team that most didn't let itself down. This is the award for team that was most Peterboro...I meant rubbish, but I said Peterborough. Probably given it away haven't I? I bet I have...
the Pascal Cygan award for Worst Arsenal Performance of the Year
Nominees
include Chelsea away (6-0), Liverpool away (5-1), Everton away (3-0) and Manchester City
away (6-3). And the winner is yes, you guessed it, Chelsea away, the biggest margin and the most emphatic shit-kicking.
Right then, just one post to go...
Right then, just one post to go...
