Martin Jol has urged for calm from his seriously miffed Fulham supporters, whose ire over their late defeat to Cardiff almost threatened to flow over into some rather rude chanting and shouts of 'yes, well, really it's just not on' and 'you aren't doing your job very well, I'm going to write a strongly worded letter to someone or other if it continues'. Thankfully, for Martin, urging Fulham supporters to calm is like urging a chair to continue being a chair.
Umbrella wielding Dutchman, Steve McClown, is the new manager of Derby County, ending his spell as Harry Redknapp's luxury kitman at QPR . McClown may be heavily mocked in this country, but Steve started out well at Boro and had some success abroad, notably in his native Holland, people will however insist on focusing upon his persistent and glaring failures, it's hardly Steve McClown's fault that that untried goalie he suddenly threw into the team against Croatia repeatedly screwed up, or that the team had no interest in playing for him, or that I've met better candidates for a Championship managerial post at a meeting of the blind-deaf schizophrenics society.
Leroy Rosenior, meanwhile, was flabbergasted that after 4 years of making no tangible progress, Nigel Clough was given the push. Rosenior used the Football League show as a platform from which to suggest Clough hadn't been given enough time, he also went on to say that only time would tell whether this 'inter-net' phenomenon would really catch on.
Leroy Rosenior, meanwhile, was flabbergasted that after 4 years of making no tangible progress, Nigel Clough was given the push. Rosenior used the Football League show as a platform from which to suggest Clough hadn't been given enough time, he also went on to say that only time would tell whether this 'inter-net' phenomenon would really catch on.
Meanwhile, Leeds United, owned by the only investors from the Middle East with no money, whose transfer policy of selling good players and replacing them with Luke Varney and Noel Hunt has seen them most recently subjected to a surprisingly non-violent defeat against Milwall, are poised for a return to the transfer market. Brian McDermott's hopeless band of rejects, misfits and Luke Varneys are hoping to reinforce to the tune of someone who has attacking quality but isn't just Rossy McCormack doing it all on his own. A deal to get Luciano Becchio back has already been shot down, so expect Leeds to continue to aim way too high and end up with no-one, who are they going after next? Serge Gnabry? The same Serge Gnabry who started and scored for ARSENAL at the weekend? Yes it is him, but Brian, did you not manage to bag him? Well, never mind, I'm sure you can still tempt Wayne Rooney or maybe you could just persuade God himself to lace up his boots (it's probably just worth asking him since Macca will probably already be down on his knees praying for a miracle anyway).
This weeks' Match of the Day 3 (for those who miraculously didn't get enough from 1 & 2) has scented bin-liner Mark Chapman discussing massive if's with a pair of multi-ethnic crash test dummies named Jason Roberts and Peter Schmeichel. It was a conversation which was itself loaded with ifs - what if they tried to be entertaining? What if the BBC hadn't sacked its one mildly interesting presenter and replaced him with Mr Cardboard? What if they bought on pundits with considered opinions and witty rhetorical styles? What if they tried, just for one week maybe, to be less abysmally dull?
On Sunday afternoon Dan Sturridge and Luis Suarez teamed up to destroy Sunderland's rock-solid and reliable defence of Carlos Cuellar and John O'Shit. Their 'shining' display was a bright spot on an otherwise bleak weekend for Liverpool fans who by and large, after the game, still had to go back to the city where they regrettably continue to live. Steven Gerrard, meanwhile, later revealed that he was sure Suarez was going to leave in the Summer, thankfully for Anthony Gerrard's less incompetent cousin nobody apart from Arsenal really seemed that interested in signing a racist cannibal.
Joey Barton is hoping to follow in the footsteps of ACTUAL ROCKET SCIENTIST Iain Dowie, who gave up a job working with British Aerospace to move to LUTON TOWN (doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that's a step down in the world), by taking a degree. Barton, who probably does seem like the cleverest man in a side managed by fruit & veg market trader Harry Redknapp and his colleague Shaun 'I can't even spell -' Wright-Phillips, may be surprised to find out that some of his fellow students have, for instance, read books, although this is Roehampton University so they were probably only the Hunger Games, Harry Potter and Twilight. Barton has signed up to study Philosophy, maybe he could end up revising his own philosophy on life, and become less of a dickhead. Still, genuine credit to the dopey haired twit for not just living in a massive house with his feet up playing video games, and credit to both him and Dowie for providing evidence that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, no matter how tatty and seemingly illiterate that cover may be.
Carlo Ancelotti has said that he thinks his Madrid team plays too slow, other adjectives he might've chosen would be 'shit', 'rubbish' or 'abysmal'.
Shinji Kagawa has stated publically that he 'must try harder' in his efforts to persuade David Moyes to permit him to board his sinking ship. The Japanese midfielder was pulled off at half-time in the match against West Brom, an act which David Moyes has described as inappropriate and something that really shouldn't happen in a professional dressing room.
Carlo Ancelotti has said that he thinks his Madrid team plays too slow, other adjectives he might've chosen would be 'shit', 'rubbish' or 'abysmal'.
Shinji Kagawa has stated publically that he 'must try harder' in his efforts to persuade David Moyes to permit him to board his sinking ship. The Japanese midfielder was pulled off at half-time in the match against West Brom, an act which David Moyes has described as inappropriate and something that really shouldn't happen in a professional dressing room.
Mr Pantomime and professional 'man not of the bottle' Jose Mourinho walked out of a press conference ahead of his sides midweek Champions League game, apparently the Chelsea boss was frustrated by questions about the eggs he chose to play with at the weekend, with the press seeming more interested in asking why he wasn't selecting certain eggs instead of sitting around telling him how good his omelettes are. Although, if you watch the footage he did look quite a lot like a man who was trying to wrap it up quick because he'd forgotten it was his turn to pick up the kids.
Paulo Di Canio has insisted he did not row with senior Sunderland players prior to leaving the club, a claim which seems quite difficult to believe considering yesterday afternoon Paulo Di Canio was caught having a row with the milkman, the postman, the fridge, the cat, the garden shed, his Volvo, a pair of nike trainers and a large-print copy of the New Testament. In fact the arguing mans squabbler went on to suggest that many of the players have texted to thanked him in the wake of his sacking for improving them as footballers, although he insisted nobody could see these texts unless they were wearing his special magic glasses, the same magic glasses through which he watched every match they played and then didn't go home and hang himself.
Jack Collison has moved on loan to Bournemouth and may feature in their away game at Elland Road tonight, not that they need someone of his considerable talent to overturn their hosts, all they need for that is probably 7 players, not necessarily all of them professionals or even necessarily sober, and a very small obstacle to put in front of Noel Hunt in order to stifle the not at all considerable talents of Captain Appropriate Rhyming Slang.
The FA have cleared Torres of improper conduct after he lightly stroked the side of Jan Vertonghen's, pointing out that because one of the match officials saw the incident, they CANNOT TAKE ACTION, that is CANNOT TAKE ACTION under the LAWS of their institution, irate Liverpool fans have taken to the internet (wonder where they're stealing that from) to complain in consideration of the severity of Suarez's biting ban in comparison, that was a ban given for Luis Suarez BITING an opponent, with his teeth, mitigating circumstances are hard to conjure in such a case. Perhaps Luis Suarez confused Branislav Ivanovic with a large juicy steak and in a fit of excitement attempted to tuck in without waiting for a knife and fork. The difference between the cases, and I'm going to make this as clear as possible, is that the FA COULD TAKE ACTION against Luis Suarez AND DID, the FA COULD NOT TAKE ACTION against Fernando Torres AND DIDN'T, the FA were just acting within the laws by which they operate, and I could very easily make a joke about law-abidingness and the DNA of the Scouser, but I'm not going to because I enjoy owning a car with its wheels completely attached.
The BBC went straight ahead and asked people what they thought. Of course, it doesn't fucking matter, just like it didn't matter what people thought at the weekend when they were controversially asked who would finish higher out of the two Manchester clubs, or yesterday when they asked their severely mentally disabled followers who they thought was the best loan signing ever. As for the sort of people who contribute on demand to the BBC's 'get involved' programme of asking the mentally ill what they think about footballing issues, evidence of being such a person will soon be admissible in court as evidence of severe mental incapacity.
I'm leaving it fucking there for now because it's just going to more of the same...
