Montenegro lost 5-2 to the 129th best team in the world, Moldova (who sit perched behind Namibia, Tanzania and Luxembourg in the rankings), and that's a result which would take the gloss off this international break if it wasn't for England being so emphatically not bad throughout it. Poland's lack of quality and motivation sincerely aside, England were as good as they've been in my lifetime, Roy seems to have cottoned on, and they've discovered Andros Townsend. Furthermore, Steven Gerrard was absolutely terrific, and Chris Smalling didn't totally bollocks anything up! The question is whether they'll be so daring against less average opposition, which they won't, they'll be 10-men behind the ball. Although it would appear England and Roy have turned a corner, Roy Hodgson's post-match press interview reeked of a man who had no idea how he'd managed to cure cancer. He referred to a 5-0 win against Montenegro which never ever happened, all the while displaying the demeanor of a bemused elderly gentleman in a home who might shuffle round the day room telling everyone he was Alf Ramsey. And that's basically what's happened to all my optimism, it's been sucked away by the old man in the knitted cardigan.
In the aftermath of the victory Roy Hodgson has said that qualifying for this tournament is his best moment in football, which is saying something when you consider that he has been in the management game since the time when the Angles, Saxons and Jutes were playing home matches against the Vikings.
While other nations were busy qualifying for the World Cup, Egypt have set themselves quite a challenge, having been on the receiving end of a 6-1 defeat in the first leg of their qualification play-off with Ghana, after the game fans in the stadium were in philosophical mood, unanimously agreeing that Ghana deserved to represent Africa and had been far superior to the Egyptians, which is the difference between living in a country where alcohol is religiously forbidden and living anywhere else in the world.
San Marino, meanwhile, confounded expectations by only conceding 8 against Ukraine. It's amazing that none of the twelve people who've managed to find the net for San Marino in their illustrious history as a team managed to find the net tonight, though they were trying where Rickie Lambert has failed, which puts them in a category with several Conference South strikers. I still want to know who keeps inviting San Marino to participate. They have ended on a -53 goal difference, they've only failed to lose 5 times in their history. WHAT ARE THEY LEARNING FROM THIS? To be fair they've improved, they've improved in their matches against Ukraine to the tune of conceding one less goal, and if that trend continues then in just EIGHT games they'll be bagging a 0-0 draw. What is ever going to change? When is it ever going to be different? It must be demoralizing, it is senseless violence, it's not endearing and it's not brave, it's embarrassing for everyone who has to actually turn up and play against this motley band of turnip grinders and dental nurses. Please, for the love of God, just stop wasting everybody's time (your own included - unless you think that 0-0 draw with Lebanon made it all worthwhile). I'm genuinely interested to know why they keep doing it, what does it achieve? Please, other football teams, come and slaughter us. Maybe in 10 years we'll get another draw, which will only leave us 16 points away from getting anywhere near qualifying for anything.
JUMPING ahead suddenly to today because I forgot I hadn't published this post, it was during the West Ham-City game on Sky that a debate resurfaced that I missed commenting on at the time. The commentators bought up the subject of Sergio Aguero's penalty against Everton, which rebounded off the post, off Tim Howard, and into the net, and counted as a Tim Howard Own Goal in the official record, depriving Sergio Aguero of a statistic. The commentators seemed to think this was a travesty, ignorant of the fact that what happened was Sergio Aguero kicked the ball off target (i.e. into the post), it rebounded out (i.e. away from goal - not into it), and encountered an obstacle (i.e. the back of Tim Howard's baldy head) and rebounded into the goal (an object in whose direction it had not previously been travelling). So let's summarize, Sergio Aguero missed a penalty, the ball rebounded into play, hit another player, went in. This should be Sergio Aguero's goal should it? Because today he hit a couple over the bar and one just wide, should they have counted as well? He scored a couple in the garden during the week, should we be counting them too? What if he had a shot, the keeper saved it and, say for example, Silva followed in, should that be his goal? Let's look at what would be happening in that situation - Sergio Aguero would've kicked the ball, it would've rebounded out (i.e. AWAY FROM GOAL - NOT INTO IT) and then encountered an obstacle (i.e. David Silva's boot, head, chest, knee, whatever) and rebounded into the goal (AN OBJECT IN WHOSE DIRECTION IT HAD NOT PREVIOUSLY BEEN TRAVELLING). Wow, that sounds familiar. In short, it's not a debate, it's an own goal.
Elsewhere, Liverpool floundered in the face of depleted opposition, Manchester United floundered in the face of an impressive string of two passes, West Ham floundered in trying to do an impersonation of Spain by playing without any strikers, and Sunderland countinued to flounder more impressively than anyone else in the division.
Oh and vis-a-vis 'that David Marshall incident' - not the first one which was handball, but the second one which ended up as a goal, in what way is David Marshall 'in control of the ball'? I get that the law says he is, but how is he, and why does it say that? He is in control of the ball, when it's in his hands and you'd have to use illegal methods to get it out of his hands, but when he throws it out of his hands, in what way is he in control of the ball? What if the ball then bounces away and he doesn't catch it again, is he still in control of the ball? When does he become out of control of the ball? The way I see it is he's in control of the ball, then he lets go of the ball, then he's not in control of the ball. Law on that is stupid. If he bounces the ball at a Chelsea player it's his own stupid fault if he ends up conceding. Also, congratulations to Torres for almost looking interested at one point, and congratulations to David Luiz for continuing to look about as clueless regards defending as monkeys look clueless regards quantum field theory.
Oh and vis-a-vis Gareth Barry, what exactly was it that made the on-loan midfielder go into Lee Catermole mode this weekend? After one De Jong style studs up assault on Danny Graham that saw the 'striker' stretchered off, he then went after Sone Aluko's shin bones with a tackle that would've given David Batty an erection. After the game Gareth went before the cameras to straighten the matter out, he confessed that he thought he took the ball in the Aluko challenge, meaning that Gareth Barry now can't tell the difference between ball and leg, so watch out basically everyone.
Good news for fans of the Football Manager franchise, with the BETA edition now available players have access to the great news features, take this for example - the manager will be informed IF THE CLUB IS BANNED FROM EUROPEAN COMPETITIONS - yes that is the sort of development a manager might like to be kept abreast of.
