The first goal of the sure to be memorable Steve McClown era at Pride Park involved Derby stringing together an impressive sequence of two simple passes, outwitting three Leeds United defenders in the process, all of whom were drawn to the ball as if it was a secret to eternal handsomeness, leaving Chris Martin in 3 years of space, with Alex Mowatt reliably trotting back from midfield and the left-back so far out in the wilderness he's now Missing presumed Incompetent. What was exposed by Derby was, first of all, Jason Pearce's severe lack of positional awareness and his complete inability to manage a simple defensive situation. What was further exposed was a lack of confidence, as well as a total lack of viable talent in a squad which, apart from being weak at the back, is also weak in the middle, weak up-front and non-existent out wide. Brian McDermott, meanwhile, bemoaned Leeds' lack of a winning mentality, which was a subtle way of expressing his regret at ever having accepted the job of managing a squad containing a group of players who are so appallingly average you couldn't offload them at a car-boot sale.
Tune in after the international break when Ross McCormack F.C. will be failing to break a funk that has seen them lose 6 out of their last 7 with a home game against Birmingham City, who on Saturday became the first team to lose against Dougie Freedman's previously abysmal Bolton Wanderers team. One observer asked, of Leeds, whether the McDermott honeymoon was over. The honeymoon is usually over when the bride's been sold to Norwich, and the husband is crying himself to sleep. McDermott can be thankful his side already have 14 points, because that at least means they won't be getting relegated, at least not unless Sheffield Wednesday, Barnsley and Yeovil suddenly stop being the kinds of team for whom it is a massive show of resilience, strength and character to turn up.
That's not to say excitement isn't to be had elsewhere. The FFP rules seem to be Championshipifying the Premier League. Although it will probably settle down eventually, it won't become predictable because of all the new fun variables - Man Utd are no longer predictable now that they've become not good to the point of having to rely on children with strange names to salvage away wins against the worst team in the league, Man City are erratic under their new manager, who is himself an interesting addition, Jose Mourinho's Chelsea are only really being Jose Mourinho's in spells so you can never really tell when they're suddenly going to become Felipe Scolari's Chelsea or Avram Grant's, Liverpool are also unpredictable, take Jordan Henderson for instance, who is so unpredictable even he doesn't know what he's going to do next, and Spurs have many many decent players but a manager who seems to sometimes do odd things with them. There's also all the new players making the squads look all different, with the exception of United where a new manager is making the old squad look all different. The only predictable thing is Arsenal, who will finish 4th.
Highlights from the weekend included dodgy penalty decisions, brilliant goals, odd behaviour and the look on Kevin Ball's face when he realised he wasn't going to get the Sunderland job full-time. MOTD was a predictably tedious vessel for goals and highlights, as Alan Shearer settled for blandly narrating visual images, Roy Hodgson pointed out that Adnan Januzaj is good at football, and Gary Crisps tried to find space in the show to ask something that could almost be construed as an interesting question. Still, it beats that ridiculous thing they've got on Sky, where you get to watch all the lovely extended highlights, featuring all those juicy mishit crosses, badly timed through balls and long throw-ins that didn't come to anything.
Jose Mourinho, meanwhile, has backed himself, promising that when he makes a tactical decision it is the right decision and if it doesn't work then it's not his fault. Pep Guardiola, on the other hand, looked nice in a hat, in what was an intense weekend for their personal rivalry, as Chelsea made hard work of Norwich, Pep made hard work of pretending to be German at Oktoberfest.
Mob-fixer and occasional football manager Gus 'fingers' Poyet has returned to the football management game with Sunderland appointing him as their new head coach, with the brief of really trying his very very hardest to help them maybe possibly not actually get relegated. Failing that, beating Newcastle will do.
Elsewhere, United are offering Adnan Januzaj 60 grand a week, and so impressive were the only 2 goals the youngster has professionally scored, Roy Hodgson is now considering bringing him into the England set-up, despite the fact he can't, which is a real testament to the level of overreaction surrounding someone who hasn't yet played 300 minutes of Premier League football. Expect to find out very soon that Adnan has been made King of the Universe, and Associate Professor in Evolutionary Biology at the University of Exeter because he scored a brace in the Capital One Cup.
Jonny Howson has promised that Norwich City will learn from their defeat to Mourinho's Chelsea, quite what they will learn is a matter of debate. They may learn not to put Eden Hazard through on goal, so that next time Chelsea visit Carrow Road they DON'T put Eden Hazard clean through on goal. Perhaps they'll learn how not to spend all their money on a Dutch striker who gets in fewer goalscoring positions than Crash Bandicoot.
Gareth Barry, who has found a new lease of life at Everton, has not given up hope of an England recall. Elsewhere, Doncaster have not given up hope of winning the Champions League, the Cape Verde Islands have not given up hope of winning the World Cup and Elvis has not given up hope of being bought back to life. Leroy Fer hopes an impressive debut season at Norwich will end with him earning a place in the Dutch national squad for the World Cup, and it might, if someone first tells Louis Van Gaal what a Norwich is and that a Leroy Fer isn't actually a close friend of the Cheshire Cat. James Milner has said he is dreading the thought of having to watch the World Cup on television, and to be fair he won't have to watch it on TV, he can just switch the TV off and maybe go to the gym.
We'll end with a quick discussion on bringing the keeper up - there comes a point in every game when a team is narrowly losing when they will win a corner and they will send for the man in the gloves who has to run the length of the pitch to get there. My point is that there is no point if you have to
leave a defender back anyway, just bring the defender, the one more
likely to be useful in heading the ball or shooting if it comes to it,
you send him forward and bring the keeper to halfway so he's halfway back if the opposition counters. Keiran Westwood at the weekend flopped at that corner like a confused hostage jumping out of a window. It has become the
default protocol for added time, and yet it is never ever necessary.
