The End of the Town

I'm not going to deny that it was better, but this was an under-strength MONTENEGRO team, MONTENEGRO is still a country of 600,000 people, the keeper was still Debrecen's no.2, their goalscorer still plays club football in SOUTH KOREA, and their star sub was an immobile Blackburn reject/footballing wardrobe. And yes, Andros Townsend was a 'brave' choice for Roy, but let's face it, his selection policy is based on form, not on a plan or philosophy, it's still haphazard, on the hoof, and Andros Townsend, for all that he offers, is still not world class. It was a nice goal, but just before MONTENEGRO scored he had the chance to cross for Welbeck, it was a simple ball to give Welbeck a tap-in, and it was a mess, he is mostly only any use with 15 yards of space around him, and he won't always get that, but he played quite well, but there is a reason he's been out on loan so much, and while he's worked hard at his game he is not an exceptional player, but he is impressive and deserves credit, and he does offer something nobody else in the England camp seems to have got, and yes he should be involved if and when England make it to Brazil, and actually, bizarrely, I am going to come down on the side of Andros Townsend and congratulate him for working hard and say that I like his movement, the way he uses a ball, his very impressive agility and movement, and whilst he might not be technically perfect he isn't so easy to keep in your pocket as Lennon, Walcott, Young etc, so I think he does have something to offer, and I think he should keep his place and I think Poland should watch out, not that they really give a shit what happens. Elsewhere, MICHAEL CARRICK should start against the Poles, because he is more dynamic and flexible than Lamps and Stevie G, that's not to say they aren't useful for Chelsea and Liverpool, they just don't fit the England system so brilliantly and it doesn't get the best out of them and I think it would get more from Carrick than it does from them. Mainly what I actually think is that right now Carrick is the better player, Gerrard and Lampard have had to adapt to having lost a yard of pace and while they've both done that pretty impressively they are up against someone who hasn't had to compromise his style and who is better at doing the things they've adapted to start doing. KYLE WALKER is no major loss, it's not much use most of the time having a defender who can't defend, it's like in baseball having a catcher who can't catch or it's like employing a statistical research analyst who can't analyse statistical research. Mind you, the alternatives are Phillip Jones, a utility lump who reminds me of Lennie Small, and Christopher Smalling, both of whom have been benched since Moyes took over and that hardly fills me with confidence. ELSEWHERE, for all that Sturridge offers you still have to deal with the ego, for instance when he did that shimmy into space and then attempted to chip a goalkeeper who wasn't out of his goal, there is still this selfish mentality and this excessive desire to prove how good he is, Andy Townsend described the attempted chip as the 'right idea', which it just absolutely wasn't, but then Andy Townsend himself is nothing more than a bad idea with a microphone. MONTENEGRO's worst decision in the game was to bring on Vukcevic right after they scored, and further to put him in centre-midfield, where the game proceeded to pass him by like the match was water, the occasion was a river, and he was a very small pebble. Beating a severely UNDER STRENGTH nation the size of Bristol is not a massive step forward, and ROY 'horlicks' HODGSON is still not the right man for the job, he still looks like having to get up every few months and manage England interrupts his daily routine of playing scrabble, watching Countdown and getting a sponge bath off the nurse. HOWEVER, we are past the point of change so Roy and Joe should stay at least until England's first knockout round defeat in Brazil next June, when he should be very adruptly replaced...

He should be replaced by Jamie Carragher and Gary Neville. Young football persons with opinions and ideas, people you can tell think about nothing besides football, they don't have hobbies or interests, if they did then they'd never have won any Champions League titles or F.A. Cups. They are more intelligent and vibrant and represent the new generation, they are iPods, Roy Hodgson is still a grammophone. To compare, Jurgen Klopp and Antonio Conte and Diego Simeone and Brendan Rogers and Paul Lambert are iPods and iPads and iPhones, and Roy Hodgson just isn't. Mind you, Roy was appointed by the F.A, an institution as modern and relevant as scurvy, an institution that failed magnificently to ever give Brian Clough the England job, so expect Roy's replacement to be a wicker basket or a rocking chair.

ELSEWHERE, Michael O'Neill's case for a new contract as Northern Ireland manager went from strength-to-strength as they restricted Azerbaijan to a narrow 2-0 win in Baku, O'Neill has controversially said that his side are progressing in 'small steps' - those are small steps forward followed by falling back down a mountain to join the Faroe Islands and Samoa as being the kinds of team that Lichtenstein and Azerbaijan see as points-fodder. The Republic, meanwhile, suffered a predictable defeat at the hands of Germany, Wales scored a narrow but meaningless win against the mighty Macedonia, so as was the case before tonight none of the other home nations will be joining Iran, South Korea and Switzerland in Brazil next June. Vincente Del Bosque, meanwhile, says Spain need more goals, because what do you get the manager who has everything, and Australia have sacked their coach after losing 6-0 against France, having last year lost 6-0 against Brazil, because somehow they didn't think it boded brilliantly well for the forthcoming World Cup. 

At club level the President of the Spanish leagues says people in the Spanish leagues fix matches, he is now presumably going to launch an investigation to work out why he isn't better at doing his own job. David Weir's shambolic reign of error at Brammall Lane is over, with the Scot having secured a legendary 1 win from 10 games, which makes David Weir as effective as a football manager as geese are effective as a form of light aircraft. Michael Tonge, meanwhile, is aiming for a top-6 place with Leeds, and I'm going to devote the rest of this post to devouring that suggestion...

First of all, the current Leeds keeper looks like he's got a pillow stuffed up his shirt. The defence is average and unremarkable and in some cases HIGHLY unreliable (in the case of brick-eating shelf-stacker Jason Pearce). The midfield is packed full of middling, AVERAGE, unremarkable, boring, slow, nothing players like Micky Tonge and Paul Beige, it's just an overabundance of nothing in particular. There's no wide PLAYERS, just none whatsoever, such a massive absence that fans will be looking back fondly at days when they could've fielded Lloyd Sam or 'man with a van' Andy Robinson. In attack there is nothing in particular to be offered by Noel Hunt or Luke Varney, and they're joined by Matt Smith, whose main talent is being quite tall. As for the youngsters, Leeds' first team boasts Alex Mowatt and Dom Poleon, another pair of average talents with small amounts of potential WHO SUPPLY none of the massive deficiencies of a terminally average squad. This heavily repeated belief that Leeds can challenge for the top 6, a belief being repeatedly alluded to in interviews by squad members and by the gaffer himself, is unhelpful, because it's unrealistic, and it suggests that everyone around the club is swathed in the same delusion, that this team doesn't play THE MOST UNINSPIRING, UNIMAGINATIVE FOOTBALL POSSIBLE, that it isn't the most dreary collection of players ever to grace the pitch at Elland Road, that it isn't exceptionally ordinary and void of exceptional talent. Watching Leeds is just watching a space where something good could've gone.